


Pride

by SnowRayjah



Series: Rated T for Turks [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 07:52:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11642196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowRayjah/pseuds/SnowRayjah
Summary: His voice rang through my ears – “Pride”. Whether it was my own, or some half-baked sense of loyalty to men that made my life troublesome; I’ll never know. But I do know that for all the things I’d felt and all the things I’d done. It was our Pride that kept us alive





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old story, uploading so that new ones make sense. Also because Hikou.

Everyone’s got a story and while I think I don’t have much background, I’ve got twenty two years of life under my belt. And I suppose that amounts to something as I sit at my desk and wonder how in Alexander’s name I got here. I don’t pretend to know anymore than anyone, except for maybe Tseng. I adore him and it’s half his fault I’m stuck on this sinking ship anyways.

Why would I use sinking? Well, in all honesty, when Shinra can’t make up his mind it’s up to his “sister” and she’d sooner sink him than anything. As long as I’m aboard I should enjoy myself and its on days when I am trying to enjoy myself that I usually end up falling asleep from my boredom. Now, I’ll be honest, I don’t quite like sleep. But I will argue I need it when the higher ups come knocking on my office door and start yelling about sleeping during business hours.

I suppose what I am doing now is irrelevant compared to how I got here. I have several reasons: admiration, loyalty, obligation, amusement, but most of all Pride. They are in no particular order; I speak them as they come to mind. The only one that ever stays the same is pride and it’s always at the end, because it’s the only thing that really matters at the end of the day. You see when I break it down, I can do anything and by the end if I did my job and I’m alive to talk about it; well then that’s good enough for me. Living isn’t always easy and neither is working at Shin-Ra Inc., but we still manage.

I never could figure out if it is because we’re stupid or brave. Perhaps we have some sense of greater good when it comes to it, all I know is that for one reason or another I’m here. I may bitch about it, true enough, but there is nothing else I’d rather be doing.

Like I said, I don’t quite remember all the details that landed me in this office with my feet up on the desk. But I do remember the desire to wear the suit and I do remember Tseng and that “accident” a long time ago.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past in which not actual size is an actual thing.

I was eleven, I had just gotten out of school and it was a nice, exceptionally hot day in Rocket Town. All I wanted was some ice cream after a long day, so I went to the ice cream parlor as I often did. And much to my dismay the jerk was working. I swear that kid hated me more than the grass was green. Maybe it was because I had a seemingly unlimited stock of “Free Ice Cream Coupons”.

I walked up to the counter as I always did. I looked at the large banner, I took pride in it. Up until a few years go it did not say “Not actual size” and if ever a four year old could own a company I got really close. In large bold letters it displayed “not actual size” and while it irritated me, it always brought a smile to my face.

He looked at it with contempt and flipped it in his hands. “It’s no good.”

Of course I didn’t believe him, but I also didn’t want to argue. “It’s brand new,” I reply.

“It’s still no good.” He says and he throws it into the trash.

Now, I am the kind of kid who got picked on for being smart and quiet. By now it’s been eleven years of nothing but torment for being quiet, I was pushed around, I always admit that and I wish I was stronger. Or at least loud enough to stand up for myself, I’d really have liked for people to just back off.

When the going gets tough, usually the tough get going, but I might be stupid because I asked to see his manager. The whole time I’m fighting to hold back my tears because he wouldn’t treat anyone else like this. I know this and normally I’d put up with it, I don’t know what was different about that day, but I had had enough. I put my foot down.

Naturally, he ignored me and helped the customer behind me. I just snapped, I think. I didn’t know what I was doing but I did hope with everything I had that he would get into trouble or at least know the torment he put me through.

In those days, everyone had materia. Not everyone knew how to use it, but we all had it. I had lightning, I got the single slot bangle for my birthday that year and the materia was a gift from my grandparents. I equipped, sure it was great, but no one would teach me how to use it.

I stared long and hard at the ice cream machines, just thinking about how much I wanted ice cream. So, I plopped down the three Gil in my pocket and looked at the worker. “Can I pay for ice cream then?”

“Cheapest we have is four gil.” He answers.

I scoff, I’m eleven years old. I _can_ read. Still he continues his job as though I do not exist, and I think that’s when everything really fell apart. I didn’t exist enough as it was why should I have to put up with this anymore? If I can’t have ice cream no one else should be allowed too. Especially when they’re paying the price I could have and there’s a rule that makes me exempt. Maybe I’m being unreasonable, I try and reason but I really don’t notice the rational thoughts in the back of my mind.

I don’t really know what happened exactly. I remember thinking that I wish something would happen, anything, and I heard a crackling. Then there was an explosion and one of the ice cream machines started shooting out soft serve everywhere. One and then the next, and so on until there were panicked screams and people running out. The staff, the adults, everyone, everyone but me because I didn’t quite comprehend what was going on.

What I do know is that I should have been cold with all the ice cream everywhere, and I should have been scared because no one dared to help me. I had been pushed, poked, and left alone. As my mind caught up with the reality of what was going on I realized that my arm hurt too. I must’ve been injured, though I couldn’t tell how. Probably from when someone knocked me down.

It was a late realization, the place was on fire. And I didn’t even know it was my fault. I thought I was going to die in that fire. It was as I stood and watched the flames surround me that I was lifted up and out. I heard the sirens of a fire truck and an ambulance. I looked at my rescuer; he was about twice my age I figured.

He had long dark hair that he kept pulled back and he wore a dark suit. He was pretty gutsy for a suit, I thought.

“Are you alright?” he asked. He actually cared, I was shocked.

“But my arm hurts.” I said as I gave a nod. “Like real bad.”

I expected him to call the paramedic over, or at least find a woman to do it. But instead he helped me sit down and gently took my arm. He looked it over and the whole time I could feel it as though he were adding extra pressure. The moment I flinched his fingers stopped in their movement and he just about let go.

“I’d say it’s broken.” He said softly. “What happened?”

I shrugged, “I dunno, I was mad and then everything started to explode…”

His eyes looked at me in a curious manner and I thought he might have figured I was crazy. Instead he lifted me up and carried me over to the paramedics. “She was in the fire,” he spoke, “Her arm’s broken.”

I kept my arm guarded I didn’t want anyone touching it. I even gave a hiss when the medic tried to coax me into letting him see it. The man in the suit gave a laugh.

“My name’s Tseng,” he said. “What’s yours?”

“Snow.” I answer.

“Snow, you have to let him help you.” Tseng says, “He can make it stop hurting.”

“But he’ll touch it and make it hurt more before that.” I argue.

Tseng gives me a nod, “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like so that in the end we can get help.”

“Maybe you do Suits,” I say, “But not me!” Of course it wasn’t the complete truth and at that moment I honestly believed it. “And I’m not going, ‘cus they’ll just make it worse.”

Tseng waved his hand and then he climbed into the ambulance with me. “Then I’ll go with you to make sure they don’t.” He crosses his legs as he gets comfortable and the paramedics seem somewhat relieved that he has decided to come along.

The trip to the hospital does not take long and the whole time Tseng sits quietly and patiently as though he is waiting for me to tell him the truth. I think maybe he suspects I had something to do with the fire, and even if I don’t realize I did it, I know it was me. I figure, I’m probably in a lot of trouble.

It didn’t take long to get the X-ray and as I sat in the casting room Tseng still waited patiently.

“I already told, you.” I say, “I don’t really know what happened. I was mad and then everything started to explode.”

“I know.” He answers kindly. He sits next to me and looked at where the bangle on my left arm had been. He hands me the bangle, with the materia still in it. “You should probably take out your materia.” It wasn’t a mystery to him how the fire started and he would have a lot to write in his reports. But I didn’t know that.

I pulled out the lightning materia, and gave a sigh about my bangle. I grimace and groan and toss it into the trashcan across the room.

“You’re a pretty good shot.” Tseng muses.

“Yeah, I guess.” I shrug and the nurse comes in to cast my arm. “One of the few things I’m good at.”

“Aim is an important skill.” He says.

“Yeah, it’s more helpful if you have something to do with it though.” I’m almost like a statue as the nurse casts my arm and she’s very gentle, much more than the x ray technician had been. I don’t want to talk about me anymore. “What do you do Tseng?”

“I work in Public Safety.” Tseng answers, the nurse shifts uncomfortably, I notice but Tseng doesn’t seem troubled by it. “It’s my job to keep people safe, I’m a Turks.”

“Is that why you were there?” I inquire.

He looks at me. I think he thinks I think there’s something more to it. But really, I’m just eleven and I want to know about my hero. Of course, I’m a little awkward about it, before not a lot of people cared about my existence. And even if I was in trouble, _he_ cared enough to save _me_ , I could accept that without question.

It came to my attention that I wanted to be like him, or that I wanted to grow up and marry him. Either way, I wanted him in my life because he had been gracious enough to save it. As far as I could tell, it was his anyways since he was the only one who had cared.

Eventually that admiration and loved turned into a sense of inspiration to fuel me to do better. I worked harder and longer than my peers and even when I was shipped off to private school I found myself working twice, sometimes thrice, as hard as anyone else. He stayed with me until my parents claimed me and it was a good two and a half years before I saw him again.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I am a Princess but not really.

I always thought I was something special. At least I had thought it since that day I was saved by a man in a dark suit. I didn’t know anything about him other than he was my hero. And for years it served a purpose, and for years it gave me something to strive for. But I honestly do not know who I thought I was kidding. I wasn’t strong, I wasn’t undefeated, and half the time I was lucky to walk without tripping all over myself.

I didn’t have grace, I didn’t have skill. I just had materia and aim. And that was all. I think it would have been easier if I had some distinct skill or talent set, but my luck came in spades. When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did and in such levels you would think it was impossible.

That’s how I met Tseng again. This time it pissed me off, I shouldn’t need saving. After all in my own mind I am the best at everything. Not as good as Tseng it seemed. I didn’t know the red head or the man in sunglasses, but I did know that I would probably never live this down.

Coupled with bad luck, I could not hold my tongue.  
“I didn’t ask for your help!” I yell. I break free from Tseng’s grip and as much as I said I didn’t ask for it, it was only because I hadn’t gotten the chance. I’d like it to be put on the record that I _cannot_ stand Bombs.

“Yeah,” the red head says, “I see you had that handled.” He rolls his eyes and rests his weapon carelessly on his shoulder as though he’s bored with me. The man with the shades says nothing.

Besides, I was on vacation. I had just gotten out of school for the summer. It can’t be helped that while walking home I was attacked. I hadn’t planned it, but Red – as I would call him for years to come – insisted that I had. But what would he know? I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me, and in my mind that was enough to justify my actions.

I kicked him as hard as I could. He yelped out and I ducked behind Tseng. Because he had saved me twice already, I jumped to the conclusion he’d do it again.

“Reno.” Tseng spoke sternly and softly all at once. He really was a wonderful man in my eyes.

“Fine, she’s just a brat anyway.”

Now, Tseng had once told me aim was an important skill. And I had aim in bundles but no control over my emotions. And being the charming child that I am I had decided no one would ever get the best of me again. And so, with my lovely Ice spell, I set him in a wall of cold and was content with myself while his teeth chattered and he swore at me.

I just stuck my tongue out. It would have been a much nicer victory if Shades had not seized me by the arm and held me there like he was some sort of human chain. He tried to speak, I saw him open his mouth. I imagine he was trying to word his thoughts carefully, but in the end nothing came. Not from him at least.

“Snow.”

I looked at Tseng.

“He deserved it!” I argue, and Tseng only chuckles as though he half agrees with me.

“Let her go Rude, she’s not really dangerous.”

And I admit I was shocked when he set me down gently. And then the ice shattered and “Reno” was free. I think I saw my life flash before my eyes.


	4. Four

I don’t know, really. After all, I wasn’t very old and these guys were stalking me. At least I had reasoned that and even though it felt half true I figured it couldn’t really be the case. Who would stalk me? Of course, I didn’t know Tseng had heard about my exploits and brags to one day have his job. And that could be why I found myself stuck with three men in dark suits. It was a possibility, but I am still not sure if it was the truth.

Tseng went ahead of the group leaving Red and Shades with me. Admittedly, Shades made me kind of nervous. He didn’t say anything even when he was spoken to directly. I thought, at first, that maybe he couldn’t speak at all. And later that thought became that Red spoke more than enough for the both of them. In the end it proved to be the truth of all matters involving the two.

I missed Tseng and the longer he was gone the more my apprehension grew. I knew I could count on Tseng. And that was not really an idea I should have had about an assassin, but it was there all the same. Without him, I wasn’t sure if I could survive the red-head and his companion, but I would die trying.

Sadly, death was much sooner than I had thought it would be. And even more unfortunate was that Red blamed me. I hadn’t done anything! I sat there quietly as I had been instructed and I didn’t move an inch. Well maybe I did, but only an inch and it didn’t hurt anyone.

“Dammit, kid!” he yelled, “You’re bad luck. I am not getting paid enough for this.”

Naturally I had no idea what he was going on about, but I did not take kindly to being accused of the monsters following _him_. I think that was when my opinion of Rude had changed. He grabbed me and before I could even half comprehend what was going on we were over the ledge.

He held me close, and I remember thinking that for a man named “Rude” he was surprisingly warm. I wanted to speak.

“Keep quiet.” He had said.

And I remember it so clearly. His voice was soft, yet kind and I thought that this was not the way one should be feeling about an assassin. I should not have been comfortable among them, and I mentally kicked myself because I was. And there was nothing that would change it. He should have been cold and downright horrible to be around. But like any man, his heartbeat was calm and steady.

I think maybe more than anything; his heart beat had convinced me they were all human. That somehow they should be cherished and it helped me understand that even if I became like them, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Reno was quiet for once, I was kind of shocked but he was doing the job that Rude couldn’t currently. Reno looked back and gave a relieved sigh, and I am not sure if it was for my safety or his partner’s but after that he jumped back over the ledge and took care of the problem he had brought with him.

I looked up to Rude my mouth opened and he looked over his sunglasses at me. I was stunned. His eyes were so full of life, so concerned, and at the same to sad, I could not even imagine what he must be thinking. I snapped my mouth closed and held tightly onto his jacket. I was scared, because I knew the landscape well and I knew what must have followed Reno.

And at my age and strength, there was no way I could have survived without them.


	5. Five

I’ve never really believed in things like coincidence. I was one of those dumb kids who believed everything happened for a reason. I think my mom raised me that way, and I had come out of too many scrapes to think I was lucky. Obviously, I needed to be alive for something. Even now, I could not tell you what it was, but I do know it must have something to do with the Turks. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. And my sad fate would not be so intertwined with them.

I came to the conclusion I was destined to be a Turks. Not just because Tseng had saved me, but because Reno and Rude had too. And if all three took the time, I may as well repay the favor and be the best damn Turk possible.

I clung tightly to Rude and I don’t know if he became annoyed or if he was used to things like this, but he didn’t move, he didn’t speak, and he hardly even noticed me. Part of me believed he had been conditioned to be this way. I did not get much thinking or talking done. The steady heart beat and the warmth, it was not long before I had fallen asleep in Rude’s arms. I am a fickle creature, really. I’m always cold and it takes too much for me to sleep. And I did so, so very comfortably in Rude’s arms. And I still believe he did not notice one way or another.

I don’t actually remember falling asleep; I just remember warmth and a steady heart beat, and the sort of dropping down a pathway as though my body were moving even though I knew I was not doing anything. I remember voices – distinctly Reno’s. He seemed relieved, almost excited, and I remember more than anything else trying to wake up.

“What did you to do her?”

I heard Tseng; at least I think it was Tseng. My eyes refused to comply with my order to open.

“Saved her.”  
That was Rude, I was pretty sure.

“She’s asleep why?”

There was no answer for a long time. But finally Reno offered the only thing anyone could.

“Probably passed out from shock.”

I was sure he shrugged as though he didn’t care. And if I had been awake, I would have attacked him.

Tseng promptly responded, “No, not this one. What did you do?”

Again there was silence, which I assume was Rude responding without saying anything. Then there was a shift in emotion and hands, and the warmth Rude carried was gone. Which meant one of two things, he couldn’t keep warm or someone else now carried me.

I do know, however, that once the warmth left it was much easier to wake up. And I jolted up, nearly tripping Tseng as I jumped out of his arms to compose myself. Because quite simply, I didn’t like it when people touched me these days – and I don’t know why I had allowed Rude to do it.

That was a stupid thought. You stick to warmth when you have none, and I knew it.

A tired daze still filled my body and before I could say anything witty or funny I nearly fell on my face. And thanks to Tseng, as it would probably be for a few more years, I did not make a complete fool of myself.

“You alright Princess?” Reno asked.

The words only half registered.

“Hey kid,” Reno spoke again, “I asked you a question.”

I wasn’t ignoring him. I swear I wasn’t, I just simply could not hear him at all. I knew he was talking, I knew he was talking directly to me, but I could not hear anything over the sinking feeling in my stomach. I was going to be sick, and that’s all there was to it.

I wanted to be sick even though I hated the thought of the action. It took everything I had not to vomit all over myself and Tseng. I held it back more for him than myself and I staggered forward a bit and clutched Reno’s jacket tightly as I tried to tell him to “Run”.

My lips moved but no sound escaped.

“Shit!” Reno swore and he pushed me, and I never held it against him since he was trying to help me, not hurt me. I can’t imagine how annoying it was for them to have to look after me.

I didn’t even understand why they were trying.

“Cover your ears.” Tseng instructed, but I didn’t. The gunfire echoed throughout the mountain, and if I were not used to such sounds it would have been disturbing. Instead, I found it comforting and I watched as the three of them fought the Materia hunter creature that roamed the mountains.

“Alexander,” I remember mumbling, I trembled beneath myself. I was terrified. If they died, I’d be next. “Find it in your good grace to save the men who saved me.”

At the time, I didn’t know summon materia had existed. It came as quite a shock to all of us when the mountains began to rumble and we were engulfed in the whitest wings I had ever seen. By the time the light show stopped the Materia hunter was dead.

The men exchanged glances and Tseng was perhaps the most shocked out of all us.

“You have summon materia?”

I shook my head, because I didn’t and because I had no idea what he was saying. My ears were ringing, not from the gunshots. My ears rung with the sounds of the screams from that cursed monster. They rung with swears because once again I had done something that I did not think I could repeat.

“No, what’s summon materia?”

Tseng didn’t even answer. Reno seized me by the wrist and inspected my bangle. He found cure, ice, and all. It’s all I had, I do not know what happened but the three looked at me as though I might have done something wrong.

Tseng was the only one with Alexander equipped, I heard them whispering quickly. But he didn’t summon it. He never used summons, it wasted too much mp, he said. He only had it equipped for strategy purposes.

They never would tell me what was going on. But it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. If I can use the energy in my body to use magic, I very well reasoned it wouldn’t be that difficult to siphon magic from someone else’s materia with a little bit of concentration. It still used my energy, because I was feeling surprisingly fatigued.

But I needed a cure-all at the time, and I only knew of the Holy Judgment of Alexander from the stupid school uniform I wore three fourths of the year. We had been programmed to believe he was a divine being who protected us, and I believed it so truly that I didn’t know who else to call out too when Tseng and Rude were in trouble.  
I didn’t think a lot about Reno, it’s probably because we were off to a shaky start. They say adrenaline gives two reactions – Fight or Flight. And I just wanted it over.

I stood there quietly, a blank expression on my face. My eyes were fixed on my boots and I half listened to what they had been talking about.

“Everyone’s got a skill.” Reno argued, “We’re lucky she’s on our side.”

“True.” Rude agreed, “But it’s a first.”

“It might be similar to Limit Break.” Tseng offered, “Regardless, we have to keep her alive; otherwise…”

“Yeah, she’s much more useful alive.” Reno simply stated.


	6. Six

I never felt so in control and so lost at the same time. On one side I had three men watching over me like I was the next King of the World, and on the other it was hard to deal with the screaming energies that had opened up after accidently summoning something I did not have. Everything was so much brighter, so much louder, and I fought with myself to stop the trembling.

Sometimes when Reno moved there was a flash of light, and I didn’t understand why. But I do know that sometimes his words preceded the flash. It was reminiscent of thunder and lightning. The more emotional or passionate he was when he spoke the more frequent the flashes became. It took me at least an hour to realize it was his lightning materia that made this happen. It was something about his aura, or perhaps it was a sub conscious intimidation factor. I think if he really wanted to, he could have made anyone see it. I also think he couldn’t have cared less if it scared the crap out of me.

Rude was warm, just standing near him was warming. I think he had fire materia equipped, but I was too shy to ask. I do not believe his warmth could have been entirely fire materia. Though it could have been properly junctioned materia, either way, he was warm and I took a liking to standing as close as possible to him without actually standing near him.

I could not describe Tseng, but the first thing that came to mind was that he was always thinking. Perhaps more than me. And when I saw the look of contemplation on his face I know that he was thinking about the future and how I would prove to be a good investment. I didn’t quite like the idea of being something similar to stocks or some other thing you could put money into and watch grow into millions.

I had fought off the need to fall apart. But my body struggled to tremble against my wished. Physically I looked fine, but on the inside I was broken and shattered. I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I just wanted them to leave me alone and at the very same time, I never wanted them to leave.  
I stared out the window for a long time. I lived in town, but I couldn’t convince them to walk me home at this hour. My parents probably weren’t home anyways.

“Why were you in Nibelheim?”

I was wondering when Tseng would ask. But that didn’t mean I had ever wanted to answer him. I shrug in response.

“It’s dangerous to wander around alone.”

Again I shrug. Yes, it is dangerous if you don’t know what you were doing. I did know what I was doing, but sometimes Fate liked to laugh at me. I know he won’t leave me alone, his shadow has a voice all of its own.

“I like Nibelheim.” I finally say, “Actually, I like the Mansion on the outskirts.”

“Shinra Manor?”

“If that’s its name.” I dully respond, “It’s comforting. I like to sit in the green house or in the music room.” I sigh, “But I think it would be so much nicer if I could actually play the piano.”

Tseng stood silent. I suppose not many people found the old Shinra Manor comforting. And from what I could gather from the look on his face and his mannerisms, that it must have actually been a very troublesome place.

“You’re an interesting child.” He finally said and he left me there to my thoughts.

I can’t say I agreed with him, but perhaps that was why I was always stuck here. Because for some reason, I had to prove everyone wrong.


	7. Seven

They looked at me before nodding to themselves. Reno plopped onto the bed and promptly closed his eyes. Tseng loosened his tie, and Rude left for a moment, but I was content to try and scheme my way out of this. I was pretty clever, I thought. No one had out-witted me yet, and if they thought they could, they had another thing coming.

I would start, I assured myself, by waiting until the Turks had all gone to sleep. And then, unaware to them I would sneak out and go home. They really couldn’t keep me here. Or so I had thought but this was proving to be a very difficult task. Tseng had disappeared to the shower and Reno was pretending to sleep on one of the beds. But what made it the hardest was that Rude had opted for guard duty.

I sat at the small table and contented myself to stare out the familiar landscape. It was a nice summer, or at least it looked like it would be weather wise. It had shaped up to be extremely difficult personally. The curtains were blue and looked like they had just been washed, and it was odd for me to sit in the room when I know I could have just as easily been at home.

The thought of running crossed my mind, but only after they were all asleep. I am not sure why entirely, but it struck me as a very bad idea to try and run when they could easily catch me.

The water stopped and the sound of a shuffling man filled a small portion of the sounds. Reno’s steady breathing was extremely convincing for a man who was not actually asleep and I tried to wrap my mind around what he could be waiting for. I let my thoughts wander, I always have and I probably always will, but I just cannot understand why they’re keeping me here. And more than that I can’t understand why it’s not really against my will.

I had already worked through three or four plans on how to get out of this mess, or at least explain the severity and reason of the situation at a later date. I did not notice when Tseng laid down and went to sleep, but I did note the change in Reno’s breathing as it became softer and I realized in his pretending to sleep and wait for Tseng for whatever reason – he had fallen asleep.

Two down, one to go.

I can’t help that I’m scheming and I hardly catch myself as I jump out of my skin as Rude sits across the table from me. He looks at me, and I assume its in a quizzical, sort of trying to process manner, but as he takes off his sunglasses I note he looks wide awake and it is going to be a very long night.

“Not going to sleep?” he asks softly.

I can’t tell if it’s because Tseng and Reno are sleeping or because he still makes me half tremble.

I wanted to respond in short sentences, in single word replies, but there was something about his dark eyes that were so very inviting.

“I don’t like to sleep, I have a lot of nightmares and I’d rather just skip it if it can be avoided.”

There is little response from Rude physically before he responds. “That’s unhealthy.”

“It’s not like I want to have nightmares.” I respond, and I felt like I was on trial. “It just happens.”

It struck me as odd at first, but later down the line I would realize they were getting a feel for me. “What are they about?”

I feel the anxiety rush back into my body as though I’ve just woken up form one of those terrible dreams. I can’t warm up and suddenly the familiar room takes a dark turn and I can’t say I know where I am.

I shake my head.

“Keeping them bottled up is unhealthy.”

Tears start to form in my eyes. I really don’t want to remember and I know that he is right, but I don’t want to admit that a bout someone I barely know. “Everything.” I say finally. And I pray that he does not ask more.

He didn’t say much at all, and I think half the time he was too busy reading people. I suppose he noted the sheer look of terror in my eyes brought on by the recollections of the events and his gaze lightened. He knew to change the subject.

It turned out, that we ended up playing cards for most of the night. And just when I _thought_ I had him. Just when I was ready to make my escape, just when there was no more perfect time, I realized something.

I was waking up. Slowly I blinked as the light filtered through the room. And it looked so familiar and so very foreign at the same time. I shifted and nearly rolled off of the sofa. My father half looked up from his newspaper.

“You alright, honey?”

“Dad?” I jolt up – he wouldn’t be in the inn.

“Snow?” he jolts up because he can clearly tell I am disoriented.

“Where…am I?”

“You’re at home. Some men found you, said you were passed out on the streets.” For the first time in a long time, my father hugged me protectively. He didn’t have the same warmth that Rude had, and it almost made me sick to my stomach to think that out of all men in the world, there was someone stronger and more comforting than _my_ dad.

I don’t remember passing out. I remember playing cards with Rude. I remember waiting for them to fall asleep, and I remember being warm. And then it hits me – they must have put it together, and they used it against me. Tseng must have known and that was why Rude did it. It was why Rude, and not Tseng stood guard. Because Rude’s aura put me to sleep once before and it could easily do so again.

I mentally swore at the Turks. I would show them, I would show them good. I suppose it couldn’t be helped that I was just a kid and they were professionals.


	8. Eight

The nightmares had always been there. I liked to pretend it was a first every night. If it were the first then I was tormented and if I wasn’t tormented then my dreams could be a sanctuary. I can’t even remember when I stopped writing them down for my own piece of mind. I carried them all like some badge tightly strapped around my heart.

I’d wake up in a cold sweat, sobbing my eyes out. Some days the details were so real I didn’t know I had been sleeping until my dorm mate came over to check on me. Other times they were so off the wall I struggled to wake up only to find I couldn’t until the scenario had played out in its blood drenched, monster filled entirety.

When I could stop the sobbing I would look at the clock. It was always between the one am and three. And it would have been much easier if part of these nightmares were not memories. Today, as I look at the clock I am shocked to see it’s passed noon and instead of my dormie, there is a red-head looking at me curiously. His foot is tapping impatiently and I know I should know him, but his name escapes me.

“Princess.”

Another familiarity that I can’t quite place, I try too and I want too but instead of his name something else rolls off my tongue.

“Red?”

He scoffs and shakes a paper at me. My Shinra application, because every sensible person who wanted a job filled out an application. It wasn’t my fault that the Turks had an unknown hiring habit.

“What’s this crap?”

I say nothing; I know he’s just going to make fun of me. And with the mood I’m in I feel like I could kill him and that I might not even care.

He lets a shrug skip passed his shoulders and he makes himself comfortable on the edge of the bed. “Who cares anyways, you want to be a Turk?”

Again I do not respond, I don’t want to be dragged into some argument. If I could find one good thing about my nightmares it would be no patience. He looks the same as he always did, fire red hair, lazy eyes, and a messy suit. I wonder how he made it into the Turks at all. I must have reasoned at one point it wasn’t appearances that made a Turk because the thought did not hold in my mind for long.

“Checkin’ me out?” Reno’s lips curve into a smile and he seems to think he’s pretty awesome.

My face responds more than I can and a grimace not only says “No”, but my lips curve into a frown and I look at him as though he’s speaking a foreign language.

“Oh that’s right, I forget,” Reno teases, “You’ve got a thing for Rude.”

His aura is more familiar than his name, and I only remember the name because the aura had made such an impact. Still, I didn’t have a ‘thing’ for him. I can’t help I am a creature of simple pleasures and habit. Sue me. At least, that was what I wanted to say and it might have cost me my life and future job.

“Don’t be so mad, Red; I didn’t think you were the competitive type.” I answer as coolly as possible, I don’t know when my tongue developed a sense of its own, but it knew how to speak better than I did.

He chuckles and stands before setting his hand on my head, “Good, Turks don’t take shit from anyone.”

My mind spins out of control – it’s half due to his aura. He offers a path out of the dorm via the window and I dumbly accept the invitation. We walked a few blocks before stopping at a café. Tseng was there eating lunch; I still think it’s weird to drink hot coffee after noon.

“Sit.” His hand offers out two chairs and I sit in one of them with a tired plop. It’s never long before fatigue starts to set in after a nightmare. I can only keep myself awake so long, but I’ll be damned if it’s less than twelve hours.

“Good.” His dark eyes look at me for a few moments before he offers over the French fries. “You look like you need this, how long have you been up?”

My eyes look at the plain white and black school clock located near the restrooms. It reads ten after twelve.

“Long enough.” I reply with a yawn, and no matter how much I had believed it to be true, I knew Tseng didn’t.

“You’re a bad liar.” He lightly scolds.

“Never claimed to be a liar at all.”

It is only then that I realize I had pulled on jeans but still wore the black spaghetti strapped top from my pajamas. I don’t like wearing black in public; it’s such an absorbing color. Most dark colors were troublesome and on days like today I felt more than normal. I sigh almost inaudibly.

“What’s this about Tseng?” I don’t care to deal with him or Reno more than I have too.

He unfolds a copy of that application I had sent in. And I feel like a bigger fool. “Everyone knows you want to be a Turk.”

“So?”

“It’s pretty gutsy; considering the connections you have.”

I blink slowly and I shake my head. “I don’t count you or Red as ‘connections’.”


	9. Nine

The details of that lunch are somewhat fuzzy. I remember drinking most of Tseng’s coffee and ignoring Reno. Thankfully it was Saturday and I didn’t have any classes. I suppose that would be the only real reason anyone would drag me out of bed and through the damn window. I couldn’t even tell you how long it had been before they approved me and got me a uniform of my own. I must say though, that just wearing it made me feel like I was in control of everything.

It wasn’t hard to pass the tests to become part of the Turks, and there was a girl about my age whose name I can’t quite remember but I’m pretty sure it started with a “C” and ended in something like a “ay” or “I”. I’m not sure, but the initial interaction proved to be troublesome – honestly, I don’t think she liked me. I didn’t give more than half a care about her; I had more than enough on my plate.

Fate was a cruel mistress, and Tseng must’ve been a sadist. He assigned Reno to train me the rest of the way. And I swear on Alexander’s Divine powers, that Red’s sole function in life was to make my training hell. I kept up fairly decently with the physical parts of the training, I was healthy enough to do what I needed, but I was not half as fast as he was and he liked to bring it to point every chance he got.

“You’re slow, Princess.” Reno would often say, “How’d you get this job anyways?”

“Fate hates us both.” I would huff. It took me years to fully understand why he’d always laugh and pat me on the head before calling it a day. I never hated him, I was just annoyed and when I look at it that way, I dished it back in large helpings.

They had been dead set on training me in almost every possible manner and I was overjoyed when I was finally cleared to have my own fire arm. I practically skipped around the office when Tseng and our supervisor signed it. I wanted to reach up and hug them both; instead I nodded and went to brag to Reno.

“Hey! Red!” by now, I knew his name as though it were my own, but I preferred ‘Red’ just as he preferred ‘Princess’. Only the most important of instances required our real names – that and meetings.

“Eh, what do you want Princess?” he looks over from the sofa where he had been all morning, “Can’t you see I’m on break?”

Sure I could tell, but I didn’t care. I stared at him for a good three minutes before giving a slow, dumb nod. Rude was sitting on the chair just to the left of him. I gave Rude a small wave, and he returned a nod. But otherwise I was more focused on destroying Reno’s break.

“Guess who just got her permission slip to go to the Weapons department and get her firearm?” I was so excited I bounced onto the sofa next to him, and watched as he spilled his drink everywhere.

Dissatisfied with my actions he looked over. I knew the look, usually meant I was in trouble. “I doubt they’d give a disaster like you a gun, but it’s not really Cissnei’s cup of tea either.” He looks passed me and leans over the furniture to look at Rude. “We get a new recruit?”

And I know he’s just playing with my mind. I want to punch him, but he’s somewhat sticky from whatever he had been drinking. I try to refrain from letting him get the better of me.

If I could describe my relationship with him, it would be something similar to a love-hate sibling type thing. He was like an annoying older brother, and I was his troublesome kid sister, but we had developed such a rhythm, I could not imagine how I would have made it through all of my training without him. I learned a lot from him, despite my protests, and half the time I don’t think he realized what he had done.

I feel his hand on my head and he ruffles my neatly pulled back hair.

“Don’t make that face Princess!” he coos and I want to hit him even more, but his smile seems sincere. He jumps up to change and he slams the door behind him.

I grumble mostly to myself, because I don’t want to bother Rude. I look at him, I should talk to him, but it’s hard to find the words.

“Déjà vu.”

I tilt my head without realizing I’ve done so. “Eh?”

“Reno and I just went through this.” Rude folded up the newspaper calmly and set it onto the table in a single motion. “He was going to be pissed if they didn’t take his recommendation.”

The words slowly process, I should have know my trainer had to give a recommendation of some sort before it even got to my superiors. Here I was bugging Reno childishly and he already knew. He played it off much better than I had, and if not for Rude, I wouldn’t have known.

In retrospect I still had a long way to go to be a professional. I had the suit, and I had the desire, but I was still just a kid. For now, I liked it that way. I could be the “kid” or the “princess” but I promised my self I’d be the best, and one day, I’d have Tseng’s job. Because, in my childish pride, I could do it better than he could.

It didn’t take Reno long to come back. When he did, I looked up dumbly – the way a young child might look up at their father or eldest brother. I gave a sigh and a nod and decided I should just do what came naturally. Because that’s all Reno ever did.

And so I hugged him and thanked him until he was horribly uncomfortable. I felt the shift in his emotion and he tried to break free. “A little help here, Rude?”

Rude was probably the greatest man you could ever meet. He knew when to get involved and what to do when it was needed, just the opposite too, because he knew when to leave it alone and when to just walk away. This situation was one of the latter and Reno began to swear as Rude shut the door behind him.

It took everything I had not to burst my lungs in laughter.

xoxo

Reno took me down to the weapon development office, where I got to meet Scarlet for the first time. She was surprisingly beautiful, her sun blonde hair sparkled in the light and she had curves in all the right places. I could easily understand why she was the center of conversation in the cafeteria among men.

Her red dress looks like it’s made of silk, and I can only think she must be a devil and I’m not sure where I got the notion, but I smile as we step up to greet her. Reno hands her the slip and she looks it over for several minutes before looking at me.

“Should we give such little children such powerful weapons?” her lips curve into a scowl and I’m not sure what I did, but she made it feel like I wasn’t supposed to be there. Her cerulean eyes glance at the two signatures on the bottom and she gives a sigh before crossing her arms. And if it were any more possible to expose her breasts without them actually popping out of the dress then she had accomplished it.

Reno has no patience and he shrugs before he replies, “Hurry it up, unlike you, we have work to do.”

“Oh I’m sure.” She argues, she motions for us to follow and we do, but I am a few steps behind Reno.

I’d never been in the weapon storage before but it was like being in Heaven. I watched as Scarlet’s fingers slid over different name plates before she pulled a key out of her dress and unlocked one of the cabinets. She handed me the hand gun.

“Here you go kid, do me a favor and shoot this idiot in the foot.” She smiles as she speaks. It is hard to tell if she’s teasing, malicious, or dead serious.

I nod dumbly, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Get over yourself,” Reno pipes in, “The Princess doesn’t take orders from you.” He pats me on the head as though I’m his pet or some new toy.

“This is the Princess?” Scarlet is oddly intrigued by me now. Minutes ago she couldn’t care less and now she’s looking me over like I have something she wants.

I had no idea what the nickname entailed, but apparently I had worked up a reputation for myself.

“Yeah, so watch out!” Reno’s eyes grow big for a moment before he turns to the door. “Well,” he grabs my wrist and I barely have time to resituate my jacket now that I’ve put my gun away, before he drags me out. “See ya!”

I give a half wave before we’re gone and I can only stand in awe and confusion as Reno proceeds to guide me through the building.


	10. Ten

It is not hard to sneak a highly trained individual with a gun into a private school. It is more a matter of knowing how to do so without being caught. I had become such an individual, though I do not recall time frames. Working for Shinra is one big blur after another, and you remember the milestones like you remember your name or birthday – as an afterthought.

I meet my door mates, Kaitlin is the same as always, Stephanie seems happier than normal, and I’m surprised Brittney is talking to me at all after having put me in the infirmary a few years ago. I still have the scar and you’d think when a rich kid attacks someone something should be done. But, I guess because she was rich, it was all my fault. Let’s see if I ever study again.

I give a small wave and nothing more as Kaitlin relinquishes the dorm assignment. _Joy_ they moved us, _again_. Apparently we’re now on the fourth floor, and I had so liked the first. But I suppose this is what they call precaution. It wouldn’t do me any good to talk to the principal; he had it in his mind that I was trouble. And I honestly can’t imagine how – not since I was attacked far more than any other student.

Still, I try to be cordial to all of them. I try and smile, and most of all I bite my tongue because in the past it was all I could do. I was there to learn, not make friends. And I have to stop in the hallway and muse over how made for Shinra I was.

My hands reach for the card key but I realize I don’t have it. And Brittney used to make it a point that she was in charge.

“Hand it over Brit.” I give the demand and am not surprised when she hands it to me. I smile and nod, “Thanks.” She looks worse than I do after pulling a double shift despite protests. “How’s your mom?”

She tenses up at the question and she avoids my gaze like I am the plague.

“Britty,” I look at her and hand the card key back, “It’s unhealthy to keep it bottled up.”  
A part of me chuckled, because I sounded like Rude.

“I know, but…”

I can tell she’s fighting with tears and her whole body starts to tremble. I fear that her mother has taken for the worse and I want to console her, but it feels like it would be a foreign action.

“I’m just so mad.”

We step into the dorm and she looks at me with her deep blue eyes. I almost get the feeling she wants to stab me again and I look around half-consciously for the nearest pair of scissors.

“You were right, she’s doing fine.” Brittney huffs and tries not to stomp her foot, “I held out all this time thinking you were just giving me false hope like everyone else. At least then it would have justified everything. But you’re too damn sincere, Snow. And it pisses me off, even after everything, you don’t hate me.”

Before I simply did not care for the feeling and so I never felt it where I could avoid. So some kid tried to cut out my lung with a pair of scissors, it was not big deal to me because I was still alive. Albeit, for a while it seemed like barely, here I was. As time passed and I got older, not particularly wiser, and much busier I found a truth. I simply did not have _time_ to hate. Shinra kept me far too busy.

“I don’t have the time – I got a job that keeps me too busy to think about it.” I answer. She’s not surprised, of the four of us; I was probably the only one who’d have to work. Kaitlin worked because she liked too, but as some waitress for the café down the block.

“Do you enjoy your work?” she sits on the sofa that is not ours and we both make the same unsatisfied face.

“Mostly. There are things about it I like and things I dislike. But the paycheck is good and so I can’t complain.” Because complaining never really got you anywhere, and in the Turks it usually just got you ignored. I shrug, “Yes.” I finally say, there are only two answers and when it came down to it, I enjoyed it more often than not.

“What do you do?”

My mind screeches to a halt. I did a lot of things. But it all ended the same way, “Paperwork, usually.”

“So do you wear a suit and answer phones?” Brittney giggles when she asks as though it is out of my character and her eyes look so honest and true that I can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, more than I like too.” It wasn’t the suit I minded, but the PHS ringing constantly. It’s supposed to be harder to prank your co-workers with Caller ID, but Reno always felt the need to try. As though somehow I’d forget who he was entirely. Not that it bothered me to answer and tell him to shut up as soon as I could speak, but to hear Rude chuckling in the background after Reno had gotten indignant still amused me.

And that’s why at Turks meetings I never reported him, and I suppose that was why he was still doing it.

I do not know where the hours of noon to eight PM went, and I figure I must’ve just crashed after talking to Brittney, but now Kait is frantic about something and I can’t quite wake up. I struggle with it. I hear her, I know she needs help but I can’t fathom waking up at all.

Honestly, what could go so horribly wrong on the day before the new term? When you’re me – everything.

“Kait, wake her up!” Brittney demands. And I hear them all so clearly.

Stephanie is arguing with a man, but his voice is hard to discern. And Kaitlin knows better than to touch me but she’s sobbing rather pathetically.

“What?” I groan, but it’s all I can manage.

“They’re doing dorm checks.” Kait whines, “They say there’s a terrorist in the school. What kinda kid her would be into terrorism! We’re all good people.”

It saddens me because she is downright terrified. But it is then that I can force myself awake and I sit up and open my eyes, stare her down and stand. I can’t think of any reason AVALANCHE would have to take over a private school. Even if most the kids’ parents work for Shinra, these kids did nothing at all. No, there wasn’t a student terrorist, because that was what Kait was freaking out about.

I swore to myself, Reno, Tseng, Rude, and Cissnei – because who else would know what to do?

“They want to go through everything.” Britt informs. “Our phones, bags, clothes –everything. This is against our rights isn’t it?”

“Brittney,” I look at her as though she’s insane, “You’re not an adult; you don’t have any rights.” She’s seventeen for two more months.

She puffs up her chest and stomps off to help Stephanie, but the two men outside her door are trying to force themselves in. Finally, Steph concedes and lets them in; she’s not stupid enough to put her life on the line.

They do not look like any Shinra employee I’ve seen, though they are trying extremely hard. I watch as they tear through our common area and I shake my head. They were messy.

“Excuse me,” I inquire, “what the hell are you two idiots doing?”

The first one is about Rude’s size with a full head of red hair. He has eyes to match but they wear a vacant expression. I know for a fact he does not have any affiliation with Shinra. His partner is more Tseng’s size, blonde hair, green eyes. Much softer eyes, he’s always thinking and I can tell.

“We’re looking for terrorists and possible terrorist affiliation or items, Miss.” The blonde answers.

“Shut the door.” I order. And Stephanie complies though she’s not sure why. It makes her uncomfortable to be ‘alone’ with those two men.

“Good luck with that,” I say to the man, and I shake my head before putting my foot down on his partner’s hand. “And stop going through our stuff.”

He was trained well; he did not scream, shriek or otherwise seem to let me know he felt the impact. My eyes scan the two for several minutes, I do not know how many more of them there are, but I imagine no more than five total. I know none of them will talk, but I have to try.

Orders have not come in and it makes me wonder if they know.

I think they are pretending that my stepping on his hand was an accident. And they do a half decent job until I put my boot into his jaw. “I said stop.” My eyes flicker between the two – ice, fire, lightning, all, cure. Wonderful.

“Snow..” Kaitlin half scolds me. She’s a good girl by nature, hopelessly naïve, 99% gullible and always keeping her head down.

“They’re not going to find terrorists because they’re not looking for them.” I retort, “We all know the best place to look for a terrorist rat is in the sewer.”

My words get a rise out of the red head.

“Stray to far from the nest, gentlemen?” I inquire.

The red head speaks, “I’d rather be a sewer rat than a Shinra dog.”

I smile wide, “Don’t say such things; at least dogs get fed from the Master’s table. I can’t see what the rats have.”

His partner tries to cool him down with some gibberish. By now, I assume they’ve pegged me as a Shinra Employee. Or at least a very gusty child of one. I only introduce myself because they’ll be dead soon.

“Snow Rayjah Shinra Employee 7-7543350; Manufacturing Department in Administrative Research” They exchange glances, “In case you’re uncertain of my department, It means I’m a Turk.”

The red head drops to the ground without reason. He’s clutching his heart but he’s not breathing. The blonde looks at me, “What did you do?”

“I have nothing to do anything with.” I casually say, but his Ice materia is quite useful. True enough it takes more energy to use his materia and focus it directly into his partner’s heart, but it was less traceable than a bullet. Quieter too.

He reaches for his PHS but he drops it when the lightning materia in his bangle begins to go haywire. It lands on the floor at my feet, I step on it as hard as I can and it breaks into several little pieces.

I lunge forward my hand places firmly on his heart and I look at him with a small shred of sympathy. “Ice.” I focus as hard as I can for the ice spell to only affect his heart. I feel the steady beats until ice over takes his entire chest. He looks pained, distorted, and horrified that someone could do this.

He falls at my feel a crumpled pile of half frozen flesh and bones. By the time someone finds them it will be too late. If Reno had been here we’d have thrown them out the window but there was no way I could get my dormies to help me with the task.

I find it sad that after spending months training and wishing to be away from Reno, I wished he was here now. I remove the materia from the men’s bangles, if anything they’ll be a nice distraction if I run into any more of them. They’ll think I’m limited to what I have on me.

I look at the three girls and the look at me.

“You’re really one of the good guys?” Kaitlin asks. I should have slapped her for doubting me, but instead I pulled out my ID badge. They looked it over and Stephanie was the first to say anything.

“If you take care of them, we can help.”

“It’s alright.” I say, because I hear the tell-tale beep of a message. It’s probably orders.

_Terrorist Update:  
Avalanche members have been spotted near the Holy Alexander Academy. All Turks in the area to handle the situation accordingly._

_Respond._

Another beep.

_Cissnei here,_  
In the area.  
Moving towards target. 

My fingers move carelessly over the keypad.

_Reporting In,_  
Location: Holy Alexander Academy, fourth floor, girl’s dormitory.  
Two Avalanche members counted thus far – duly handled. 

_-Snow_


	11. Eleven

It occurs to me at some point between the dormitory door and the third corridor that I should be more concerned with the situation. In fact, I should be more cautious but it makes no difference to me as I pause and listen to the light, somewhat strained, boot taps on the floor. They’re trying to mask themselves, or they are injured and I think its more the former as I turn the corner with my trusty handgun drawn.

She’s my age.

“Cissnei, I could hear your boots all the way down the hall.”

I’m quick to chastise her, because I’m not wearing any shoes at all. As she opens her mouth to ask me why I’m so damn quiet her eyes narrow at my cotton socks.

“I’m always prepared.” I say. And while it’s only half the truth, I imagine it sounded cool enough. Because I have to face the fact that Reno trained me and things like this were common.

Cissnei gives a nod her hair barely moving at all. And I notice she looks annoyed at me. I can’t say it’s a foreign feeling, or that it’s a rare occasion.

“I counted two so far, they’re taken care of.” I then say, because changing the subject is safer.

“Two outside, as well.” Cissnei answers, “Also taken care of.” Her arms cross and it’s pretty much understood we will be working together.

“I can’t imagine there’d be many more. Four at tops.”

I don’t know how we came to the conclusion, but we did. And somehow we were completely justified in our actions. The principal caught us in the hallway. Naturally, we tried to play innocent. But my name and innocent never went hand in hand when it came to him.

I look at Cissnei, she looks at me. And we take the man by the arms, knock him out, and toss him in the nearest storage compartment.

Cissnei justifies rendering a civilian unconscious, “He could have gotten hurt.”

“Oh aye,” I agree, “Or they could have used him against us.”

We nod, we agree. But we both know the man was just annoying. Quite simply, we’re not taking extra chances. And for that alone I would remember it as one of the greatest moments at the Holy Alexander Academy. After this, I am pretty sure I won’t be allowed to attend anymore.

We hurry through the halls, and I’m not sure if it’s the outcome of this situation that makes me forget some of the details or the energy involved. But the very next thing I remember is making it to the auditorium – Cissnei and I had split up at some point. There were three men on the stage and my ears were ringing.

I stumble into the room, which I now believe is part of the plan, the men drag me on stage and they look like I should know them. But I don’t. And I look at them so hard I think this might be where I lost the exact memories of anything between the principal and here.

“Who the hell are you?” one asks, I assume he’s in charge.

I don’t reply, instead I rest my gun against his forehead. What can I say? It seems like an awfully good idea.

“Turks.” I finally answer and a panic seems to shift silently through them. My pistol motions for him to get down and he does so, but I assume because of uncertainty.

He looks up at me with burning eyes, “You’re lying.”

“Nope, honesty’s my policy.” I say, “But, it won’t matter – you’re dead.” The other two are behind me, but the thing I notice about AVALANCHE is they aren’t always willing to lose one of their own. Especially their leader. But old sayings always say to take out the leader first.

“She won’t do it.”

They try to deter me.

“She’s just a kid.”

And they laugh. They all share a laugh at my expense. For the first time in years someone has had the audacity to laugh at me, and it pisses me off. It’s almost like a switch flipped in my mind and all of a sudden, I just didn’t care.

I was used to foreign actions becoming second nature. I did it just because they said I couldn’t, just because I was a kid.

I pulled the damn trigger. And I might have enjoyed it as I recognize the look of sheer horror on the other two men’s faces. One lunges but he falls to the floor a large shuriken the culprit.

The third stands in confusion between Cissnei and I. I can’t stand it when men beg for their lives.

“I’ll blow up the whole damn school if you don’t let me go! I’ve got a bomb you know!”

He pulls a device from his Shinra impersonated suit. And neither she nor I move. We don’t want to take the chance, but assume one of us is going to have to in the end.

“Hey partner?” I half look over.

“Yes?”

“Can you disarm a bomb?”

“Haven’t tried.” Cissnei answers. I realize she’s not better off than me, and I am not better off than her. And as it stands we’re about equal in most aspects.

“Step away.” He tries to reason, his voice cracks under pressure. I can’t quite tell if it’s because he’s lying or because he’s truthful.

Sighing, I set my trusty weapon down and motion for Cissnei to join me. She does, I feel, because she knows I have a plan. As soon as she’s next to me, she whispers, “Remember, it’s preferable he’s alive.”

I nod.

“Good.” He steps off the stage, but I can’t help but chuckle. He walks down the auditorium floor, he stops to look back.

“A question before you go?” I say, and I ask in a very childish manner. It upsets me when he does not respond. The door ices over. Cissnei disappears from my side and the man turns around ready to push his magic button.

“I’ll do it.”

“I believe you,” I answer, “But I don’t believe it will do any good.”

Cissnei grabs his wrist tightly and I thought a fully grown man would struggle more.

“I can’t see how you hope to blow the shit out of a school with a pen; maybe a Turk could do it, but you’re not on the same level as us.” I step down the path he had just walked. And back to my original thought, I hate it when men beg for their lives.

“Please! Don’t kill me! I have a wife and kids!”

He begins to sob. I can’t imagine Cissnei and I are so terrifying to merit tears from an adult. But, I oblige, I won’t kill him. But not because of his wife and children. If he wanted to live and bargain with them, he should have thought about that before hand. He falls limp in Cissnei’s hand and I have to commend her for a quick sleep spell.

My fingers carelessly type over the keypad.

_Rayjah reporting in._  
Terrorist activity halted. Four dead. One apprehended.  
Requesting immediate pick up. 


	12. Twelve

I do not recall when Shin-Ra Inc. began to fall apart. It hadn’t been very stable when I got there, but things only got worse. I worked a few jobs with SOLDIER, I think Sephiroth was my favorite person to work with outside of the Turks. He was calm, cool, and composed and aside from not ever knowing my name and treating me like a kid – he was not so bad to work with.

I’ll admit though, that it did not come as a shock when we heard he was dead. Alexander, I whole-heartedly expected it. I felt that way because half the time when I was with him I thought his loneliness would be the death of him. It’s depressing to see someone at the top of their game, so youthful, so strong look so helpless and lonely. But I could never bring myself to say anything to him about it.

It’s been years since then. Nothing had been the same, and after Sephiroth was dead if things could get worse they did. By the time Rufus Shinra took over I was ready to sign off and live a normal life.

I was tired of it, I was so very tired of Shinra and the Turks and just everything. I wanted to be a person and quite frankly I disagreed with draining the life force from the planet. We’ve only got one, and, I may be a Shinra Employee and I may have done a lot of things I do not particularly agree with – but this was the only planet we had. And I’m allowed to have an opinion outside of the company.

In the end it boiled down to: We were all blood thirsty idiots.

Death had solved nothing. In fact, Sephiroth’s death caused even more troubles, and thus I came to the conclusion that we needed to stop fighting and start healing. But I had no idea how to do it. And until I could figure it out, I decided to take an extended leave.

“The department really needs you.” Tseng tried to bargain.

“But I don’t think I need the department, Tseng.” I shake my head, “I can’t stay, I don’t want too, and, I’m really so tired. I just can’t do this job anymore.”

“I forbid you to leave.”

I knew he’d have his way. No one really left and if we did, we died. And I wasn’t going to betray Shinra, no, they were my second home. But sometimes we need a break from home.

“It’s just a vacation, Tseng.” I softly answer. “Stop acting like I’m dying.”

We were all dying by then. Every one of us, and we all knew it. I don’t know how any of us had made it this far. But with Rufus’s ceremony in Junon in just a few days, I decided I wanted off the Shinra Ship. Because I know a bad idea when I see one. And Rufus may have been handsome enough to turn my head, and he may have been smart enough to win my hand and trust; but I wasn’t going to let it happen.

I didn’t think the idea of a world of fear was sound.

“A word of advice Tseng – Fear leads to two things. Fight or flight.” I turn back at the doorway, “Don’t be caught in the wrong end. And don’t let your fool pride cloud your judgment.”

His mouth curved into a frown. “At least my pride allows me to fight.”

“It might just get you killed.” I answer. I was tired of fighting.

I traveled and everywhere I went “Shinra” was the center piece. Shinra had weaseled its way into every aspect of the world’s life that in a way, Shinra was the center of the Universe.

You loved them or you hated them – and no matter what you chose you were scorned. There was no happy middle. I think it was years of Shinra and Anti-Shinra groups that created and kept the extremes. I had hoped to see a neutral city somewhere, but, I suppose only the dead had seen that.

Once a part of Shinra, always a part of Shinra. And even if you pretended like you weren’t some part of you was hopelessly drawn back to them. I found myself back on their doorstep some years after the fall of the original building. They were rebuilding it and Tseng was looking exasperated – Almost like I had never left.

“I see your pride didn’t get you killed.” I say standing next to him.

Tseng does not look over, “Not yet, but someone’s got it in for me.”

“So I hear, I leave and you just throw in the towel, eh?” Now he looks at me. And I feel relieved to see the small familiar smile. Like finally in the world of wrong something is right.

“What can I say that you don’t already know?” His words are more statement than question, but I still register as though he’s asking me something.

“Red kept me up to date.” I say, Tseng nods, but I already knew that he knew.

“How have you been, Snow?”

I smile, “Alive, in some instances much more than you.” My head cocks to the side, “Suppose I have to go through some paperwork hell to get my job back?”

“No,” he answers and he’s suddenly more relieved than I am. “We kept your place even though you never returned company calls.”

“Princess!”

His voice carries over the work and I look up at Reno. He looks the same as ever and Rude is by his side. Despite the changing world, my world was very much the same.

“Red! I’m saddened to see you alive!”

“You brat! I was pretty sure that Sephiroth would have gotten you! Too bad Strife didn’t mistake you for a monster or somethin’.”

And the whole time we’re grinning like idiots. Rude is quiet as per usual and I think he looks a little happy to see me. But I try not to make that presumption until he speaks.

“It’s good to see you again, kid.”

My nose scrunches and I am forced to grin wider. “Even Rude missed me? I didn’t know I was so loved.”

“You’re not.” The red head’s familiar voice carries.

I want to jab him in the side and I want to scream. But the only thing I can manage is a “Heh” before crossing my arms and asking Tseng for a status report. And then, in the morning it was back to my normal shenanigans of pretending like I was leader of the Turks.

It works well, because in our hierarchy anyone with a sound plan is heard. And most of the time, I was pretty damn sure I knew what I was talking about. Even when I wasn’t no one could argue with me about it. Eventually, only Reno had tried and it was very much the way it was before I left.

xoxoxo

I still get that sinking feeling. And I end up asking anyone who can hear me to look after Rude and Reno, because, Hades knows they need it. I haven’t seen Cissnei in years. And there are a few new guys I should probably worry about. But I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. It’ll all work out in the wash – I’m pretty sure.

I don’t worry about Tseng, because, the sun has always set with him. And by the end of the day, I know he’ll be standing at the end of the desk with crossed arms looking over at me asking why the hell I’m in his desk pretending like I own it.

“Because I’m good on my promises.” I always say.

He smirks every time, and I grab my jacket. We go to the shooting range and I pretend like we have a tough job, but really it’s gotten so much easier since we reformed. And then I convince him to take me to dinner. Because I’m young and helpless in such a big city. I’m so helpless – I’ve never missed a target and I’ve got some pretty good scores for all the shooting exams and tests they can think to put the Turks through. I doubt they want to give me a firearm, but thankfully it’s required.

And even though he knows it’s not always the case, he obliges because, and he says it in a half tortured manner that one might say to a child. “I spoil you, Snow.”

It was a simple matter, he did spoil me and if not for my hard work, Tseng would be dead by now. I sit across the table from him; it’s not a rare sight to see two dark suits sitting together. A normal person would be amazed at how people avoid us like the plague. Our waiter refuses to make eye contact and I always want to wail on the little bugger for being so inconsiderate. I also know Tseng (and the company) would not approve, so I never do.

I get annoyed with ninety-nine percent of the population of Midgar, practically the world, but I’ve been stuck in Midgar so long I suppose that it has become the center of the universe in many aspects. Or rather, Edge, but in my mind we’ve always been the center of a city called Midgar. Half glory and all, to me, everything was very much the same as it had been.

I can not stand when Tseng talks about work. I do have to admit though; it’s probably the only thing he knows.

“Did you get the files transferred for the new recruits?” He doesn’t even look at me as he is apparently too occupied with his food.

“Why, yes,” I say and he looks up because sarcasm is not a hard thing to recognize, “I had a swell day _honey_ , and it is so wonderful of you to ask me. The kids are fine too.”

Tseng put the utensils down and looks at me as though he were staring down a hardened criminal. I knew the look well and I can’t help but smile and stifle the giggles rising in my throat.

“Don’t make that face, Tseng.” I reply casually, almost like I do not care for or respect his authority. “I did, I’m pretty competent. And if you took the time to notice, you’d have seen I had that done yesterday when you assigned the task to _Reno_.”

Even after all these years I have not quite learned when to hold my tongue. But, if you don’t want the truth, you shouldn’t talk to me. What a novel philosophy. And for some reason I took great joy in pissing people off with the undeniable truth of every situation as I saw it. And questioning Tseng’s observation and competency may not have been the best idea, sue me – It was the truth.

He sighed. I wanted to pretend it was because he had a long day and was tired from all the work he had done. I wanted to make it all work out by justifying he had probably saved a hundred lives. Anything to get the attention off that he was irritated by the daily shenanigans between Reno, me, and the others; I was quite surprised he had any shred of patience at all.

I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bring me a certain amount of joy to see that disapproving look on Tseng’s face. I stopped lying before I ever got really good at it. But that was because the truth seemed so much more troublesome to people. The truth had done me far better than anything else, and half the time people thought I was bat shit crazy for lying through my teeth.


	13. Thirteen

I find it odd I should mix laughter and tears, but I was home and there was no where else I’d rather be. I find the heart wrenching pain comforting and I don’t even groan as I answer the ringing PHS.

“Rayjah.”

“Hey Snow.”

For a moment I can’t answer because he sounds so out of character I think he might be dying. And it frightens me to think that the stupid red-head will not be there to make my morning hell. I look at the clock – its one am.

I would like to say I had a life outside of Shinra, I had tried too. But as I sat in bed staring at the ceiling I could only revel in how nice it was to be home. Honestly, I always felt that it should be disturbing to think of somewhere like Shinra as home. I roll over to stare at the wall. Sometimes, I thought too much. And sometimes I was so alone I praised Shinra for saving me.

Because on most days, Shinra was like an orphanage where a bunch of kids didn’t get adopted. And the only place we could survive was there, and so it was the only place a bunch of misfits could ever truly call home. Alexander, I’m an orphan now. I tried to find my place only to be brought back to the home I couldn’t stand.

I don’t know why I didn’t respond right away. I suppose because I was horribly shocked to hear my name escape from his lips.

“Red, are you alright?”

He sounds like he’s a mix of drunk and crying and I can’t imagine what would cause such a mixture from Reno.

“Have you been crying?” I then inquire, because I don’t really want to know if he’s dying.

“No.” Reno answers softly. “Look, I’ve got a problem and you’re the only one I can turn too.”

I sit dumbfounded for a few moments. I don’t know why it has to be me, but I drag myself out of bed and pull the door open for him.

He clicks the PHS shut and he looks so tormented, so horribly depressed. He smells even worse, but luckily the blood is not dripping from his body. I move out of the way slowly and let him enter the apartment. It’s not Turk style to ask what happened.

He looks around for several moments then looks at me. His eyes grow a few levels and I can only raise an eyebrow in response.

“Don’t you wear pajamas like a normal girl?” he inquires.

“Panties and a shirt count.” I answer. I shrug and look at him, “What does it matter?”

“You could be a little more modest you know.”

I don’t know how to respond when Reno of all people mentions modesty. I shake my head, “Doesn’t bother me.”

I honestly don’t believe it bothered him either. But what can I pretend to know about the man who trained me. He shifts uncomfortably as I show him to the guest room. There’s a bathroom through the opposite door. And he already knows there should be a change of clothes for him.

I stand in the door way as he starts to peel his clothes off.

“What happened, Reno?” My arms cross and I wonder where the hell Rude is. Because, lately, the two were never apart. Something about this situation feels wrong.

He turns slowly almost shocked to see me still standing there. He gives a sigh, “Stuff.”

It’s not like I’d be surprised to hear him say he killed someone. I knew he didn’t kill Rude, but if Reno was this injured – then Rude probably wasn’t in much better shape. I force a sigh through my lungs and he shrugs in response.

“I’m not housing you unless I know what’s going on.” I’m defensive, as a Turks, I have to be. I don’t like to sign on for things I can’t handle. And I don’t like stumbling around in the dark.

The front door opens and I react in the only way I know how. My fists fly towards my target. I am engulfed in warmth and I look up at Rude with such shock he can only smile. He’s perfectly fine and as my brain processes this information Reno skips out of the guest room holding his sides, his cheeks pink with laughter.

“Oh man! You fell for it Princess!!” He chokes out his words and clutches his sides for what I guess is support. He tries to say more but the laughter is too thunderous.

Rude releases me when he feels the icy chill of my anger and he looks over his sunglasses with a smirk. “Come on, Princess, we’re happy to see you home.” His voice is soft and convincing.

There’s so much I want to say and I’m pissed. I stomp my foot and say the first thing that comes to mind. “I was terrified you were hurt! You inconsiderate pricks, where the hell do you get off doing this shit?” I pace the floor a few steps before turning back to Reno, my fore finger pointing into his shoulder so accusingly I think ice shards danced from it. “I thought you were seriously dying or something.”

My hands fall to my side in exasperation. Yes, I am over reacting.

And his laughter stops, and so does Rude’s light chuckling and they look at me in a manner they have never done so before.

I half remember why I wanted out of here. I tremble beneath myself and force the breath from my lungs.

They are trying to word their response properly and I know this, but it doesn’t make it any easier. And I shake my head before brushing my hair from my face. When I look back up they are exchanging glances, and I assume it’s some form a male communication method.

A few minutes pass before Reno looks at me again. “Were you really worried about me?”

I can’t believe it came as a surprise to them. “Yes, you idiots.” And I stress the idiots because I know Rude was in on all of this. “You guys are family.”

“It’s a pretty messed up family, then.” Rude offers. I agree with him to some extent. But every family has their quirks.

“Always has been.” I can’t say much more than that. It’s a simple truth.

“Why’d you come back, if you knew we were going to continue crap like this?”

I think it’s for his own morbid curiosity. But still, I’ll oblige him. Some things my mind does not remember, but my body does and others my body doesn’t but my mind does. And as I stew on my reply, I say it as it all comes to mind.

“Obligation, amusement, admiration, loyalty…” I pause, “Who am I kidding, guys, you both know why I’m here.” I smile softly and push the anger from my system, “Pride, what else would keep me here.” And it’s a half truth, but probably the truest thing any of us know.

“It’s not like I have anywhere else to go, and, there’s no where else I could survive.”

It is quiet again for several minutes and Rude nods slowly in response. I assume he must feel the very same way. Our ties to Shinra were virtually gone when the original building fell. When it all went to hell and our contracts were gone. Rufus was thought to be dead and so we had no ties to hold onto. We had no home, we had nothing, and when it all came back we were all too willing to return to the only place that made us feel whole.

When I got the call from Reno letting me know things were returning to how they were, I was not surprised. And he asked me what I intended to do. The choice was easy, but I never told him on the phone.

I’d trade my life and everything I’d ever known to stay here. I’d have given everything I had to stay chained to Shinra.

I know that I want freedom, one day I do. I think that I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I had it. And until I can honestly have it in every sense of the word, Shinra is a nice filler.

I turn to the kitchen and my hands absently make a pot of coffee as my thoughts trail back and forth throughout my years at the company. It doesn’t take long for the smell to drift into the house and I pour a cup for Rude who sits at the bar as though he lives there. And Reno joins him.

“You could if you wanted too.” He starts and I know what he’s talking about but my brain doesn’t like the line of thinking.

“Well then I don’t want too.”

He smiles and Rude takes a drink.

“But dammit.” I set my coffee down hard and part of it drips over the side onto the counter. “One would think that you guys would have grown up by now!”

Poor Rude chokes on his coffee and Reno grins stupidly.

“Oh like the Princess has changed?” Reno snorts back, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” He points at me as though I should know that.

“In that sense,” I add, “I can’t blame a dog for being a dog.” And I sigh because Reno is so right it hurts. And now I can’t decide if Shinra is an orphanage or a kennel, but I do know that these guys are the only ones I could live with. I’d have probably been even more pissed off had they just ignored me on my day off. My shift didn’t start until six anyways, so I don’t really mind the company. I do mind the way they choose to spend time with me. And while Rude is more mature, Reno’ll never grow up. But I’ll demand breakfast of Rude and I know he won’t argue.

“You guys are the worst brothers ever.” I mumble to myself.

Rude chuckles as he undoes his tie and sets his jacket on the back of the chair. “Said the girl who left without a word and made us all worry.”

I suppose Tseng didn’t tell them, and I couldn’t blame him. I hardly knew how to tell him that I was going. And I know had I face Reno and Rude I would have stayed. Because they could talk me into almost anything.

The cheap shots would end at the same time our contracts did – when we were dead. With a smile, I take a drink. I don’t know when I became accustomed to such a lifestyle, its a nice feeling to have everything you could ever want.

_Fin_


End file.
